Starting from Scratch

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

It has been 10 years since I became a Muslim.  And on the 19th of January, my birthday, I decided to leave the religion.  I had had enough of this so-called ummah.  I was so angry at the Muslims; I thought Allah (s.w.t.) and his Prophet (s.a.w.) had abandoned me.  I was wrong.  So, I had to start from scratch, rediscovering what it was that brought me to Islam.

I started at the beginning - I re-read Martin Ling's Life of Mohammed.  And I read the Qur'an again, spending long hours into the night trying to search for an answer.  I did not get any.  Or so I thought.  I put up on my Facebook: The Well of Kawtsar is bitter; it's promise a pack of lies.’

The angels were busy; the prophets had other business so Allah (s.w.t.) Sent an old friend.  He was more than a friend.  He was a mentor, my first Muslim Teacher.  It was a touching post.  Quite unexpected.  I guess everybody has a different side.

I met up with him; we sat at the coffee shop having tea.  As usual, conversations with him involve a lot of thinking.  We discussed my situation.  I realised that God Answered me after all - but in His own time.  We talked about the political situation in the Middle East - we agreed that war was in everyone's interest except the Palestinians.  We talked about the Converts' Association - that place is undergoing a slow, painful period of decline.  And we talked about my journey to Islam.

After the failure of my marriage, another aborted engagement; all the issues I had with Muslim organisations, it was decided that there was something I had to do to go to that next level.  Almost 20 years ago, I left Singapore to go sailing.  I physically left my comfort zone.  10 years ago, I left Roman Catholicism to the great shock of those who knew me.  I became a Muslim.  I spiritually left my comfort zone.  Everything I have done was guided.  I know that on hindsight, Allah (s.w.t.) Has a Plan for me.  In the same vein that there is a Plan for everyone.  I am far from complete.


  1. indeed, the help of Allah will come and the doa will be answered. I use this ayat as one of my guidance, "Do you think you will not be tested after saying I believe". Yes this ayat is easier to associate to the new reverts, however I feel it is relevant for me. Everytime I learn a new knowledge about the deen and believe in it, for sure there will be a time where I will be tested on that knowledge.

    I make doa for you on this glorious day of Juma'ah that you will one day visit Mekkah and Madinah and perform the hajj. May Allah make it easy for you, increase you in knowledge, and help you in your pursuit to achieve the characteristics of "haleem".

  2. Assalamu'Alikum,



  3. I have also been going through a difficult time with life, Islam and myself. Trying to find my calling, my purpose. Trying to seek what Allah has in store for me, feeling lost and confused, battling addiction and often feeling like a failure, wasted potential. Reading your post, I don't know why, made me cry.

    I will get there. The Prophet, if we are the learn anything from him, taught us that it is the patient ones that Allah will guide, the ones who patiently persevere.

    I will remember you in my prayer, remember me in yours


    1. as-Salaamu'Alaykum,

      Thank you for the beautiful thoughts and the du'a. If you have a Facebook account and need a p;ace to go, we have a group called The Sharing Group. Everyone needs a support network. And this is where we build ours based on the relationship between the Prophet (s.a.w.) and his companions. You are never alone.

      Wa as-Salaam

  4. SubhanAllah.
    Our lives are a never ending test, may Allah SWT keep s rightly guided in this journey of self discovery.


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