Staying Converted

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ 

Allah (s.w.t.) Says, in the Qur’an: 

سُوۡرَةُ العَنکبوت

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

الٓمٓ (١) أَحَسِبَ ٱلنَّاسُ أَن يُتۡرَكُوٓاْ أَن يَقُولُوٓاْ ءَامَنَّا وَهُمۡ لَا يُفۡتَنُونَ (٢)وَلَقَدۡ فَتَنَّا ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِهِمۡ‌ۖ فَلَيَعۡلَمَنَّ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ صَدَقُواْ وَلَيَعۡلَمَنَّ ٱلۡكَـٰذِبِينَ (٣) 

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Alif Lam Mim.  Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, “We believe”, and that they will not be tested?  We did Test those before them, and Allah will certainly Know those who are true from those who are false. (Surah al-‘Ankabut:1-3) 

Normally, the dialogue regarding those who embrace Islam is focused on why they converted.  This is very much a feel-good exercise for the community at large.  When someone converts to Islam, the immediate response from the Muslim community is overwhelmingly welcoming.  And then, they are forgotten.  Much more is learnt on why people stay Muslim. 

The shahadah is just two lines.  It is the declaration of the Unity of Divinity and the acknowledgement that Muhammad (s.a.w.) is the final Prophet and Messenger of God.  But it elicits an entire change of worldview and all its ramifications.  In Singapore and perhaps elsewhere, the majority of people seem to convert because of the Muslim spouse-to-be.  But whatever the reason, the conversion is not an event.  It is a process and it may be a long, lonely one wracked with doubt, challenges and alienation from the things that once brought comfort. 

The main reason why converts leave Islam is a failure of the social network.  When someone converts to Islam, they face a distancing of their relationship with their parents, their family and their friends.  Added to that is pressure from the Muslim side to ‘conform’ to their idea of what Islam is.  People have lost their jobs, had custody issues with regards their children, and been subject to emotional blackmail and abuse.  To the non-Muslim family, this looks like a painful rejection of family and cultural values for the other. 

There are many Muslim converts who leave Islam on a daily basis for various reasons.  For some, they declare their apostasy and they become a counselling case and later a statistic.  But there is a larger number that have simply stopped practicing or were never practicing.  Perhaps faith did not take root or perhaps they simply stopped believing.  It may be the lack of education and that is an affliction of the Muslims in general.  It may be nostalgia for their pre-Islamic lifestyle and friends and a desire to restore that relationship with the family.  But there are legitimate doubts regarding the religion itself, oft times due to the examples of Muslims around them.  It is easy to say that there is a difference between Islam and the Muslims but it is difficult to reconcile.  There is much to criticise about the Muslim community and institutions. 

People come to Islam thinking that the crisis of faith will finally be resolved and they will finally have all the answers.  Truth be told, the Muslims themselves do not have that.  What they have been given is actually the correct questions.  The answers themselves come eventually through trial and tribulation.  When I asked my shaykh, Shaykh Ahmad ‘Arif once, on why it was so difficult to be a Muslim, he replied, “How else would you begin to understand the tremendous Gift you have Received from God?” 

Muslims wittingly or unwittingly pressure those who have embraced Islam to leave all that was of their cultural and social identity and conform to the expectations of the ethnic majority be it Arab, Indian, Malay or others.  But Islam was never about that.  This only deepens the sense of alienation and loss.  And it becomes a barrier for those who might otherwise consider the Truth of Islam.  As a result, many converts suffer from an identity crisis in one sense or another. 

Converts tend to have similar stories in their personal journey to Islam.  No matter the different backgrounds and events may differ, the personal struggles and questions about faith and God and existence are the same.  They are universal questions central to all of us.  In that, it is important that the people that brought them to Islam, that are the witnesses to their conversion and are there understand this and work together to help those who have come along and in the process, enhance their faith. 

Many great thinkers have much good to say about the principles, beliefs and philosophy of Islam.  Many of them grudgingly or admiringly have much good to say about the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.).  The same cannot be said about Muslim communities in general and many Muslim institutions.  The image presented in the mosque of peaceful coexistence, brotherhood solidarity, and heightened spiritual states is a facade.  Muslim institutions and mosques are as political as any.  Many of these organisations are dens of hypocrisy and self-service.  And that is the reality.  The true face of the ummah is one of division, sectarianism, segregation and class conflict. 

There are many challenges facing the Muslims but the convert is assailed with the requirements of ‘shari’ah’; not the shari’ah of Islam, but the shari’ah of the imagination of small-minded people.  Music is suddenly problematic.  Facial hair is a serious issue.  The type of clothes, whether it is permissible to greet the family during festive events, attendance of family functions, photographs, clothes, meeting people of the opposite gender, circumcision, myriad political events in other parts of the world are all suddenly thrust upon the convert. 

The Prophet (s.a.w.) did not call people to Islam by talking about the Law.  He appealed to the soul.  It was spirituality that brought most people to Islam.  It was love of God, love of the Prophet (s.a.w.) and love of his ummah that allowed that faith to take root and flourish.  The average convert is inundated with information by Muslims and not facts.  That information is tainted with prejudice, ignorance and arrogance.  He is bombarded with labels: Sunni, Shi’ah, Sufi, Salafi, Hanafi, Shafi’i, Asha’ari, Qadiyani …  All that matters is Islam.  Nobody embraced Islam to take sides. 

The following adapted from Ustadz Swuhayb William Webb’s “12 Tips for the Convert Muslim”. 

The first is to practice Islam as much as we can.  As recorded in Sunan at-Tirmidzi, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “He who loves my Sunnah has loved me, and he who loves me will be with me in Paradise.” 

As a new Muslim, we will have trouble keeping up with prayers every day, fasting during Ramadhan, and the many other practices in this religion.  The struggle that we face, with such a radical change in lifestyle, is difficult and will take some time.  Awkward moments are bound to happen, so we should not fret.  We are not expected to wake up at 4 every morning to pray tahajjud.  If we have problems with certain practices, then gradually work ourselves into the mindset of worship.  A counselor once told Ustadz Webb, when he was young, “How do you eat an elephant?  Just One bite at a time.”  We should think of conversion as one step at a time.  We pray to Allah (s.w.t.) and Ask for Him to Make it easy for us and the rest will come naturally. 

Keeping up with our devotional practices is something that will strengthen our faith immensely.  Read the Qur’an whenever possible.  We could find a collection of sirah, stories of the Prophet (s.a.w.), and read it often.  We will start to feel a connection to Allah (s.w.t.) and we will become used to Islam as a religion and way of life. 

As recorded in Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal, and Sunan an-Nasa’i, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “Heaven lies under the feet of your mother.”  Keeping up a good relationship with our family is essential.  We should try to avoid bringing up or taking part in controversial subjects regarding religion.  This is almost unavoidable, but our parents will eventually accept that Islam is not going to turn us into a terrorist if we stay calm during these tense moments.  Gradually, our parents will gain some respect and understanding of Islam and may start to become genuinely interested.  This is a great Sign and insha’Allah, Allah (s.w.t.) will Make a way for them to accept Islam.  What we do not want to do is act like we know everything, attempt to debate everything, or overly defend ourselves in a way that might make us angry or upset.  This will just cause heartache and uneasiness.  Our priority now should be to work on ourselves. 

As recorded in Swahih Muslim, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “For him who follows a path for seeking knowledge, Allah (s.w.t.) will Ease for him the path to Paradise.”  Finding a teacher to bounce ideas off of is a great way to learn our religion.  It is good to find someone with as much knowledge as possible who also has an understanding of our language and our culture.  It is difficult to listen to someone with a thick accent or someone with a back-home mentality.  A good teacher is a great way to clarify things we hear on Shaykh YouTube or Google or any part of the Qur’an we are reading at the time. 

This will also help us have a real grounding in the Islamic tradition.  We will eventually have spent more time learning Islam than most people from Muslim families.  We have to maintain a sense of humility if we do gain a lot of knowledge, as there will always be someone who will be more knowledgeable than us.  We must learn everything we can in small chunks; no one is asking us to be a scholar. 

As recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, and Sunan at-Tirmidzi, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “Verily anger spoils faith as aloe spoils honey.”  Trying to constantly defend our religion is something that will cause us a lot of stress.  Many of us would remember when we first accepted Islam, it seemed as if the whole world was after us.  This may happen to different people at different levels, but it is an overwhelming experience.  The best thing to do is avoid these arguments at all costs.  If we are mature about our religion and display a desire to explain ourselves without refuting others, then many doors will open for us.  We are bound to give someone a refreshing view of Islam, which is what so many people are hungry for after seeing Islam in such a negative light in the media. 

Staying away from these discussions will put us at peace, and give us breathing room.  A lot of converts are not really comfortable with bringing up their religion because of the backlash they receive.  If we just mention it when necessary, we get a more positive reaction.  This is always an opportunity for da’wah. 

Allah (s.w.t.) Says, in the Qur’an: 

سُوۡرَةُ یُوسُف

إِنَّآ أَنزَلۡنَـٰهُ قُرۡءَٲنًا عَرَبِيًّ۬ا لَّعَلَّكُمۡ تَعۡقِلُونَ (٢) 

We have Sent it down as an Arabic Qur’an in order that you may learn wisdom. (Surah Yusuf:2) 

There are many tricks to learning the language.  There are ways to make this easier on ourselves.  These methods can be found online or in books; with a little research we can pave your way to gaining an understanding of Arabic. 

We start by learning the alphabet and connecting letters together.  We can learn this in an afternoon if we know someone that is a native Arabic speaker.  If we sit on that for a while, we will eventually be able to follow along in the Qur’an when we listen to a recitation.  We will start to recognise words, after which we can get into simple grammar rules.  It is recommended to learn common nouns and prepositions first.  Arabic can be really enjoyable, and we are bound to gain an Islamic vocabulary after listening to talks or lectures.  Eventually, we will know meanings of words like “furqan” and “sajdah”, and we will be able to use them in conversations with Muslims.  Swabr, patience, is essential. 

It is recorded, in Swahih Muslim, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said “Those who make things hard for themselves will be destroyed.”  He said it three times.  Coming to Islam will sometimes put us in a situation where we are overwhelmed with opinions that are hard to follow.  As an example, one might be told that we have to wash your feet every time we make wudhu unless we wipe over leather socks that have been worn from our previous wudhu.  If we do a little research, we find there are opinions of scholars that mention the permissibility of wiping over cotton socks, even ones with holes in them.  As converts, we have to understand that there is always a legal opinion that is more applicable to us. 

Allah (s.w.t.) Says, in the Qur’an: 

سُوۡرَةُ الحُجرَات

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تُقَدِّمُواْ بَيۡنَ يَدَىِ ٱللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِۦ‌ۖ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ‌ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ۬ (١) 

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

O you who believe!  Put not yourselves forward before Allah and His Messenger: but fear Allah: for Allah is He Who Hears and Knows all things. (Surah al-Hujraat:1) 

Being a Muslim is a huge part of our identity now.  That does not mean we cannot barbeque with our friends or watch football on Sundays.  If there are things in our culture that do not directly contradict with basic Islamic creed, then we are welcome to keep those things in our lives.  We do not need to start wearing Arab or Indian clothing.  As long as our clothes cover what they are supposed to cover, we are in the clear.  Many converts are also exposed to foods that may be new to them, especially converts in a Western context.  We can still have our own culture and tastes in food.  There are many other examples of things that we will be exposed to that are from foreign cultures and do not necessarily have anything to do with Islam.  Our goal as new Muslims is to worship Allah (s.w.t.), not to add a Pakistani or Arab identity to our persona. 

It is good to have a teacher who understands the subtleties of different opinions in fiqh and can inform you of differences among the scholars on issues that are of concern.  Most people in masajid will have a very limited view of the juristic possibilities inside the Islamic tradition.  Islam is a vast tradition and we should not make it small.  These diverse opinions are there to help us, not cause strain on ourselves. 

It is recorded, in Swahih al-Bukhari, and Swahih Muslim, that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “The person who receives the greatest reward for the swalah is one who lives the farthest and has the farthest to walk.”  Going on Fridays is a given, but it is also recommended trying to fit a few prayers per week in the masjid.  This will open many doors for us, and will, insha’Allah, Grant many good deeds to our account.  We will meet people who are connected to Islam; networking opportunities are more readily available; and we are bound to make long-lasting friends.  Although this may be hard initially, try and go to the masjid.  The payoff will be huge, even if we just pray and leave right after.  We will eventually warm up to the community and you can feel more comfortable going to the masjid whenever you like.  It is also important to find a good mosque, so try a few before settling on one. 

As recorded in Swahih Muslim, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “On the Day of Resurrection Allah (s.w.t.) will proclaim: ‘Where are those who have mutual love for My Glory’s sake?  Today I shall Shelter them in My Shade where there is no shade but Mine.’”  Saying, “as-Salamu‘Alaykum” to people we see is a real blessing in Islam.  It immediately lets people know we are Muslim and they are usually happy to return the greeting and hopefully share a few words with us.  Doors of friendship will be opened and we meet lots of people.  We must try and spend some time with Muslims when we can. It is beneficial to remind ourselves that we are not the only Muslims on the planet and we share our religion with almost 2 billion people around the globe. 

Also, we must not sever our friendships with our non-Muslim friends unless they are a negative influence on us.  We can be a light to your non-Muslim friends.  We never know who Allah (s.w.t.) will Guide, and showing that we are living an ethical life can encourage these people to learn a little about Islam or change their mind to having a positive view of the religion. 

As recorded in Swahih Muslim, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so give glad tidings to the strangers.”  This is a major problem in the convert community.  We are lonely.  The best thing we can do to fight the feeling of loneliness is to spend as much time as possible with good company.  Having dinners with people a few nights a week is a sure way to maintain a good attitude.  The practice of becoming a nun or a monk is alien to Islam; we are social creatures and Islam recognises this.  We should endeavour not to lock ourselves away to avoid the world.  This will just cause a vicious cycle that will cause deep depression and can lead to searching for solace in the haram.  We should make it an obligation on ourselves to remain a sociable human being.  It takes a lot of work but the result is happiness and contentment in life. 

Allah (s.w.t.) Says, in the Qur’an: 

سُوۡرَةُ البَقَرَة

وَكَذَٲلِكَ جَعَلۡنَـٰكُمۡ أُمَّةً۬ وَسَطً۬ا لِّتَڪُونُواْ شُہَدَآءَ عَلَى ٱلنَّاسِ ... (١٤٣) 

Thus have We Made of you an ummah justly balanced that you might be witnesses over the nations ... (Surah al-Baqarah:143) 

Most converts do not enter Islam looking for an extremist point of view.  Unfortunately, we have seen some converts do end up overseas working for terrorist organisations.  This is something that can happen from a person feeling victimised or ostracised by their own culture and being overcome with anger.  It does happen enough though that it should be a concern.  It will be best for us to keep our head on our shoulders and not get caught up with extreme points of view.  The scholars of Islam have absolutely refuted terrorism in their fatawa.  Extremism is on the very edges of the Islamic thought.  We must stay on a middle way. 

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, “So know that victory is with patience, and relief is with distress and that with hardship comes ease.”  Being a convert to Islam, we will face a lot of tribulations.  There is not anything that we cannot overcome though, and never despair in Allah (s.w.t.). 

Allah (s.w.t.) Guided to us to Islam, we searched for the answer, and we found it.  We should be happy and constantly remind ourselves of the blessings in our lives.  There are a lot of good things that will happen to us and we are on the straight road to Jannah.  We should rejoice in being Muslim, and remember the aswhab were almost all converts to Islam and they were human beings that came from Adam (a.s.) and Eve just like us.  We have to be strong and find comfort in our prayers and worship to Allah (s.w.t.).  The first few months, or even years, for some, are the hardest, and insha’Allah, we will all continue to grow as a convert community.